little bear

13 years and september 11th never gets any easier.

however, i have another reason to dislike this date now.

my little bear passed away today. he had been our loyal family pet for 15 years.
he'll be missed so very much.

oddly enough, today was also the first day in literally years that i cracked my art journal and spilled. i had to paint to keep busy because i did not see my little bear this morning as i usually do in the back yard. i've had a feeling all day that something had happened to him. i couldn't find him anywhere in the backyard so i knew he had escaped to the very back yard where the bushes are taller then i am.  my love didn't want me to go out there by myself. he said it was dangerous. spiders, snakes, weeds with pollen that will make me break out on touch. i suspect it had more to do with the fact that he didn't want me to find my dog the way we knew i would. he also knows me well enough to know that my heart breaks when i lose one of my little animals.

he convinced me to wait until he got home. so, i had to stay busy.

he is digging my little bear a grave now that i can see from my kitchen window, i'll still be able to see him every morning. so very sweet of him do this for me.

so, today i turned this page...

this was my very favorite page, painted with a bright shimmery red paint that i no longer have.

into this with a little gesso and watercolor crayon, then i proceeded to copy down lyrics from a song my son introduced me to. i'm not a huge silversun pickups fan, but he is. and he never fails to tell me when he's found a super good song. this is circadian rhythm (last dance).

i hated this page as soon as i finished the watercolor crayons and gesso. HATED. what had i done to the brilliant red page? maybe i should have left it alone...

more gesso...

still hating on this page!

stamped images in permanent black ink...   

nope, still don't like it.

purple acrylics... 

now this, i like! of course i do, it's purple.

more stamping. these images are some of my standard background fodder, and they are stamped in water soluble ink here so when i apply gesso... 

who doesn't love stars and circles?

they blur and mute.

we are certainly getting there...

doodle... spirals are some of my very favorite things to draw.

at this point, i was just desperately trying to stay busy.

and this is where i stopped today. my love had come home and was able to find my little bear where he had laid down to rest.

it needed orange.

i plan to finish this spread for bear, perhaps with a she art doll and her dog or something similar.